Easy, the bear.

Look Eugene, (you mind if I call you Eugene?)

Look Gene,  I haven’t eaten in a year and yet I’m still fully capable of driving around wooded, hamburger-infested roads. That can only mean one thing, superpowers. 

So I’m a superhero. Cool. My powers clearly involve me not needing any sort of sustenance, so I’m guessing some sort of health regeneration type thing. This sounds like just the kind of guy who needs a crime fighting partner who’s a bit more on the aggressive side. I’ll take the hits, he’ll swing the punches-bear punches that is. 

The bear and I will patrol the streets in our Crown Vic, rocking sweet shades and cleaning up the city (and the surrounding forest). 

He might look soft, but he’s not soft on crime. He’ll make sure you’re neat and cuddly… behind bars!

So there’s my answer Euge. I hope it’s BEARable. (We’ll also make bear puns as we fight crime.) 

Depends on the troupe. 

The Whittakers are still young for the most part, so you have time to take the slow route. You know, casually cross paths, give her/him your name, do the whole facebook thing, bring your friends to shows, talk to her/him after shows, saga dates, real dates, kissing, abstinence, marriage, the whole shebang. 

With Kids These Days the clock is ticking. If he/she is single, make a huge sign and bring it to a show. If he/she is taken, make a sign that you can hide until you make sure his/her significant other isn’t in the audience… and bring it to a show. 

Once you have a date, it’s easy. Just laugh at whatever she/he says. We eat that up. 

Hope that helps you!

(In all seriousness, if I saw someone with a sign in the audience I would make sure that person got himself/herself a date.) 

We’re not. 

Great question Anonymous!

Mostly we embezzle. We skim some off the top and spend it on little things, like diamonds and flights to Paris. 

Whatever we don’t immediately spend, we save in our private yacht fund. We all have a dream of sailing up and down the coast, laughing at the less fortunate people who don’t have yachts. 

Sadly, we haven’t yet reached our goal. 

Come to the Show on Friday and help make our dream a reality!!